Holding on
by nikstarr
Summary: After an unfortunate event during patrol, Buffy loses most of her powers, giving her enemy Mokor and his assistant Casey an advantage to kill her. Now Spike will do anything to find the lost amulet that will restore her health.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

"Do you think I haven't tried?" Casey asked repeatedly. His mind raced with thoughts and he could hear the voice screaming at him like this was his entire fault. "I've tried time and time again! Can't you see I'm in pain?" He said, raising his injured arm barely so not to make the pain increase."

The voice evened out calmly and serene. This thing was impatient but not insane.

"You've failed the task I have assigned you! You should be punished. By what orders did I give to make you act in this way? I told you specifically to kill her right away, not lag around while she makes us weaker!" The voice paused as it transformed into its demon self with flashing blue eyes and a fierce circular mouth. "We'll never get anything done with you on the job. Every day this girl gets more powerful. She learns things that some of us will never figure out in our whole lives. She's smart, she's skillful, and she's creative. She's able to take us out in ways that only a resourceful young girl could handle.

"Now you listen to me. I don't want you or your little vampire friends to disappoint me again. You get the slayer killed and you do it fast. No dawdling." He ended his speech and sat back down on a chair.

Casey nodded. He didn't want to be beheaded by this creature. This demon Mokor was 10 times stronger than him and smarter as well. "We will not fail you again sir. We'll give you the slayer chopped up for your dinner." He knelt down on one knee as he bowed to his leader, and then quickly ran out the door.

Mokor laughed as he looked down at the picture of the blonde girl in front of him. He caressed her digitized hair and smiled, "How tasty."

"Ow." Buffy groaned as she looked at the splinter protruding from her skin. "The only bad thing about slaying with a stake is dealing with these things afterward." She exclaimed sadly as she began to tug at the white sliver poking out of her thumb.

Spike snickered, "Yeah, but you gotta admit, it's worth it after watching the stupid ones dust. Every vampire these days think they're gonna do a slayer in. They never have but they rant on about it. Some even brag about how they did kill a slayer when they never really did. I've killed two Slayer's but I've never gotten past you." Spike smiled and Buffy returned it with an eyebrow raise.

"Why cause you couldn't take your eyes off me?" She joked before turning her eyes back to the frustrating work in her thumb.

Spike shrugged, "Never understood it back then." He admitted. He placed his hands in his pockets as he moved slowly down the path, "Its not like I didn't think you were gorgeous or anything. I was just more interested in the killing back then." Spike remarked.

Buffy smiled as she thought about it. As she looked back up she could see 4 vampires starting to make a circle around them. She recognized them all instantly. "Aha. Come back to get your other arm injured?" She joked looking up and down at the injured vamp with his 3 followers.

Casey snarled as he drew nearer to the girl. "It's not broken slayer. Just injured." He looked over at the other bleached vampire, "Spike. It's been a century man. I never figured you'd be fighting with the slayer. And by the way I heard about the soul. Very strange, I have to say. I wouldn't expect you to be the type to earn his soul because he wanted to. You were always squeamish when it came to stuff like that."

Spike walked to Buffy's side, ready to fight this dud. "You never had more than a dapper bit of brain Casey. Is that why the slayer always seems to injure you no matter how close you get to strangling her neck?"

Buffy shot Spike a look. "Spike could you just let me kill this thing?" She wasn't about to let the two spat insults back and forth. She wanted to kill this vampire once and for all.

Casey turned back to Buffy, examining her neck, "You know, my leader said you would have a smooth neck. I bet it's tasty too." He inched towards her and Buffy held up her stake to protect herself. Casey moved away from the stake. "You think I'll just let you kill me? I've been alive for longer than Spike. I think I know how to protect myself from a slayer."

Buffy smirked, "What you faced one before? Please! I've injured you three times already." This vamp was pathetic. He was all talk, like all vampires.

Casey couldn't help himself. The slayer always had her faults. He'd seen it many times, "But you haven't killed me." His eyes dimmed to slits and turned to yellow. His features had changed and the demon showed it's true colors. "If you're all that powerful, kill me. I dare you too."

Buffy hesitated. Spike could tell and he charged first at the vampire sending Casey flying into a gravestone. The three followers emerged from the shadows and tackled the Slayer, sending her to the ground as each one punched her. Spike kicked one in the back, and watched it fall into the stake in Buffy's hands. Spike kicked the other two away from the slayer with all the power inside him.

He looked down at the unconscious body of the slayer, who had now dropped her stake. He noticed that the other two vamps had managed to sink their teeth into both sides of her neck. The panic in his stomach increased as he sat down besides Buffy, holding her in his arms. "Buffy." He shook her slightly, trying to wake her up.

Buffy's eyes began to flutter and she looked up at the blonde vampire with longing, "Spike?" She choked out. She had lost a lot of blood and was beginning to feel dead herself.

Spike stroked her hair, "Don't die Buffy." He held her tightly, desperate to keep her there forever. "We're nothing without you."

Buffy smiled, "I won't." She took her hand and ran it along the side of his face. "I'm not going to." She dropped her hand to his and squeezed it gently. "You have to kill him for me. I'm too weak. Don't let him win this."

Spike nodded. He could sense the vampire recovering so he quickly kissed her on her forehead and rubbed her cheek gently before he stood up, ready for battle. "So, Casey. You're wanker pals scampered off. I guess they finally realized how much of a ninny you really are."

Casey laughed, "I'm afraid of nothing. Now was just a bad time to drop by. Tell the slayer I'll see her when she's alone." He said as he disappeared into the darkness.

Spike yelled in anger. He had let him get away. He could have just grabbed the stake off the floor and threw it at the dud, but he hesitated, just like Buffy did.

He turned around and scooped up Buffy in his arms. She leaned on him, the blood on her neck dripping onto her snow-white shirt. He wished he hadn't frozen like that. If he could have made things right he would kill him for her. But there was no way to know where this Casey guy lived. And if he wanted to kill him, there would need to be a trap.


	2. Waiting

Giles opened the swinging door and headed straight for Spike who sat in tears on a waiting room chair. "Where is she?" His face shared a look of empathy, as he sat down by Spike.

Spike looked up from his tear-stained palms, to look at the watcher. "She's…still in the surgery room. Their trying to give her moor blood." Spike croaked out each word as if it made him feel like he himself was guilty.

Giles did nothing but give him a acknowledging nod, "She'll be fine you know. She's a slayer, and blood loss isn't the worse that's happened to her."

Spike shook his head in doubt. It was his fault he knew it. It was just a matter of time before everyone else found that out too. He was too occupied in Casey to even notice Buffy. "It's all my fault. I could've helped her but…but I didn't."

Giles felt as if he should hug him at this point but he knew it wouldn't be appropriate for their type of relationship, "Spike, Buffy's not dead. You mustn't blame yourself for this."

"But what if I did. What if I could've saved her? Huh? I was supposed to look after her and little bit. I promised to!" The tears, in which he could not contain, spilled down his cheeks onto the fabric of the chair. "I'm a disappointment."

Giles didn't understand why Spike was beating himself up over this. Spike never cried. He was more of that tough, rebel type. But it was obvious that his soul was making his feelings come out.

Willow, Xander, Anya, and Dawn, ran into the room as quickly as possible. Willow took a few breaths before speaking, "What…what happened Spike?" Her cheeks were all flushed from the long run.

Spike wiped away the tears and he groggily answered, "An old vampire I used to know came to town looking to kill the slayer. Surprise, surprise, his demon friends almost succeeded the task. Thanks to Casey's Dracula like quality."

Xander chimed, "Ooh, did he turn into a bat?" Everyone gave him that annoyed look, which made him feel uncomfortable as he slipped down into a nearby chair.

Spike responded, "He had these hypnotic eyes that made Buffy stay in one place. He did it to me too. It gave those demon pals of his to suck up Buffy's blood."

Dawn gulped in disgust, "Eww…what a creep. I-is she okay? Can we see her yet?"

Spike shook his head as he stood up and gave Dawn a hug, "I'm sorry little bit, the slayer is still back there. We haven't been given the doctor's permission to go back yet. I won't let anything happen to her like this again. I promise."

Dawn hugged him back, "I know. It wasn't your fault. That vamp had hypnotic eyes so you're not held responsible under my book." She let go of him and genuinely smiled at his glistening tears.

Spike nodded, "Thanks little bit."

The gang turned around to see the doctor walking towards them slowly. Spike gulped, "I hope she's okay" The thought of losing her raced around in his mind and he inferred from the look on the doctor's face, that the results would be traumatic.


	3. Death is Your Gift

The Doctor approached them, her expression one with grave sympathy. Spike looked at her in horror, afraid at what she would tell them about Buffy. "Okay, your friend is going to have to stay here for a month. She lost a lot of blood and she didn't take it too well. Her arms and legs show extreme bruises and breaks. Whatever did this to her must have been ten times as strong as her. Do any of you know what could have done this to her?"

Spike exchanged looks with the others and smiled to the doctor, "I don't know. When I found her she was all beat up and was bleeding from her neck. That's when I dialed 911."

Spike hadn't thought of an explanation for how she got like that. This was the only thing there was to be said.

The doctor nodded, "Well as I was saying, she does need to stay here for a month so we can get her back to her strength."

Dawn stuttered, "W-when do we g-get to see her?" Her eyes had been watering and there was now a visible tear falling down her cheek. Spike wanted to hold her and let her bawl out all of her emotions to make her feel better, but it wasn't the appropriate time for that. All he could do was sympathize in his undead heart.

The doctor replied, "You can see her now if you'd like. She's back in room 107. She's awake now so no need to enter quietly if you don't want to." She gave them a slight nod and smile before turning in the other direction. Spike and the others headed to room 107 where Spike lightly pounded on the door.

The meek voice inside squeaked, "Come in." Spike opened the door and the group entered with desperate looks at the beat up Buffy. Spike rushed to her side and planted a small kiss on her forehead, "Buffy. I'm so sorry."

Buffy looked at him in wonder, "Why? You didn't do anything wrong." The pain that crippled her didn't allow her to smile much at all but the smile that did appear was one of gratitude and loyalty.

Spike smiled in relief and looked down at her wounds with regret, "How are you?" He knew that her answer wouldn't be the best in the world. But he wondered why she looked so badly when wounds like these usually healed pretty fast. She never normally got wounds like these from falling down into a grave and being sucked dry by vampires.

Buffy struggled to take a breath, "I feel like I've been hit with 12 boulders that's what I feel like. I don't feel strong at all, and I'm pretty sure I can't pick anything up without dropping it. I feel like I did when those insane watchers set me up with no powers to fight some crazy mother-hating vampire."

Giles shot a look of horror, "Dear lord, you lost your powers?" He had become fearful now, his eyes shooting out of his head like in a cartoon.

Buffy shrugged, "Maybe…or maybe being sucked by three evil vampires made me a little weak. It's not like I lost my powers completely. They'll come back in a day or so…I hope."

Dawn looked down at her sister's wounds and the tears started falling down again. "Who did this to you?" She angrily demanded between gritted teeth.

Spike and Buffy exchanged glances and Buffy replied, "This gang of vampires. Their leader was called 'Casey'" Spike felt as if he should hug Buffy but again he doubted that Buffy would want him to do that.

Spike shook his head, "I'm sorry I couldn't kill him. I would have but…he was just too smart." His eyes still remained on her wounds; his chest heaved as more tears traveled down his face. He was surprised to see Buffy take his hand.

Buffy shook her head, "It wasn't your fault. It was mine. I should have known that his Casey guy would finally find a way to take me down. It was just a matter of time. I'm not as strong as I used to be Spike. I'm a slayer. We die all the time and much sooner than most people. I guess this is just my time.

Spike looked at her with his eyes almost protruding out of their sockets, "You're not going to die Buffy! Not yet!"

Dawn and the others all shared that same look of dread. Dawn wiped away her waterfall-like tears. "Buffy, no. Don't say that."

Buffy sighed as she looked down at her wounds, "These marks, they're just a sign that I've been alive too long. I wasn't supposed to stay alive. The day I died was my time. Now the underworld is making me pay."

Spike replied demandingly, "Buffy listen to me! You're going to keep on living. Cause I can't live without you. Neither can Dawn, Giles, Red or Xander. We need you to live and take care of us. Please. We'll take care of you too." They shared a moment of silence with each other. Buffy looked at everyone's sympathetic faces, especially Dawn's. She couldn't leave them behind like last time.

Buffy nodded, "Fine, but I would really like if you guys would please try and trust me when I say that someday that evil will find me and make me its lunch. So be prepared. I'll fight it as best as I can, but I'm sure one day I'll have to leave you. And you have to be ready to face that." Her teeth met her bottom lip in a split reaction to what she had just said and the others seemed a little awe-struck that she was talking about her death like this.

Giles nodded, "Everyone dies Buffy. But as long as you fight and make a good choice in your life, we won't hassle you about your decisions."

Buffy smiled and leaned back more comfortably on her hospital bed, "Death is my gift…. but I'm not in a hurry to unwrap it."


	4. Love isn't pathetic

"Do you think she'll be okay?"

Spike looked up at the innocent voice across from him. He nodded gravely. "She'll be fine. She'll be up on her feet in no time. I'm sure of it." But the confidence in his voice was lacking in volume. "There's no need to worry Dawn. Buffy won't die anytime soon."

The others stared at Spike in pity. He had become an emotional wreck ever since the whole thing started. Willow especially was moved to empathy for the poor fellow. She did feel the same way as him about Buffy. She loved Buffy to pieces. Of course only as a best friend, or at least a close sister, but there was no doubt in her mind that Buffy was in big trouble at the moment and it was only going to get worse.

Willow spoke up. "You don't need to be brave Spike. We're all on the same boat as you. Buff's the best thing that's happened to us. Now that her life is in danger again, it's like having a piece of you torn out."

"It's not like she's dying Willow. She'll be fine." Giles tried to put in. "Maybe we're all dreaming and we'll wake up with a silly little memory crouching over our brains."

"Or maybe Buff's just had a bad cold like before and she'll get better and kick more demon but." Xander announced with a hopeful amount of glee.

Dawn nodded, "Or she's giving us a hard time about everything and she's actually as healthy as a fresh penny."

"Or maybe you all are idiots trying to think up ways to please yourselves so you don't have to feel so bad. You know in your right minds that she's in trouble but you don't want to admit it because you've already lost her twice…almost a third. Yeah you can be brave and hope she'll be all right but at least give the whole prancy fairy tail gag a rest. She deserves more than what you nitwits imagine up in your mind. She deserves a helping hand." Spike and his emotions trailed away and the others could see the pain he was feeling inside. He stood up and started for the door.

"Where are you going?" Giles yelled after him.

Spike turned to the others. "To kill the git who did this to my girl."

"So you've come to tell me what exactly. You'll cut off my head if I come near her again." Casey said with a laugh to the imbecile standing in front of him. "Please. You're not even that bad."

"I am Casey. That's not the point. You hurt her now fix it. She means as much to me as the job means to you." The vampire answered.

Casey chuckled. "That's a shock. The girl's just a human. A vampire in love with a human, that's so cute…and pathetic. Listen Mr. Williams, I'm not in for negotiating and all I can say is your toy got what she deserved. You know humans aren't supposed to trespass on this property. If they do they end up dead or in her case a coma."

The vampire gritted his teeth. "I hope you get what's coming to you Casey. Danielle will be fine. And when she's alive and standing maybe then I'll forgive you."

"Well that makes one of us." Casey glared at the vampire with disgust. "Maybe you'll learn to treat your master with more respect."

The vampire scoffed. "Like you do with Mokor? I'm surprised he hasn't chopped your head off yet or sent a stake flying through into your heart."

Casey nodded, "True, but my latest achievement has given him much pleasure therefore erasing all my misdeeds and failed conquests from before. So if you'll please exit to your left and maybe come back when you actually have something good to tell me."

The vampire glared and took off to the left. Casey watched him with divine pleasure. If only he had been the king of the joint it would've been even more pleasurable to watch such fury leave under his command. He loved being in authority and if he continued to please his master he'd get the chair right next to him.

Casey had almost followed the man out with his eyes until he saw the vampire had blown up into dust. He saw a familiar tall bleached-hair vampire standing in front of him, stake aimed threateningly right at him. "What's your trouble young fellow?" He asked happily.

The vampire's eyes turned to slits. "You." He emerged more into the light so you could see him completely. "You and your black magic."

Casey smirked. "Oh really. Girl troubles hey? I think I've had about a million other lovesick vampires come to me today. Please I'd rather you save the trouble and just leave now before I get the master."

"Because you have no power or because you know I could kill you?" The blonde vampire said angrily.

Casey glared at his enemy. "Spike, you couldn't hurt me if I was a human. Although I'm sure your soul would go into effect if I were a human. Now, indeed you have a problem with me and I wouldn't blame you. Asking my fellow vampires to suck your slayer's blood and powers right out of her might be a reason for you to kill me."

Spike's nostril's flared like a bull's. "So you did take away her powers?"

Casey laughed nonchalantly. "Yeah, it was fun too. Remember how easy it was for you to do things like that. Kill slayers? Make them your meat? I remember when you made me it was all you taught me. 'Go for the kill and never pity their feeble little hearts.' Boy those were the days Spike. I could bring you back to them. You could finally be on the side you've always dreamed of being on…in your undead heart."

"I have a soul."

"Ah sure." Casey said raising an eyebrow. "But it's not really you. You know that. You love to kill. It's your passion. Kill, live, and thrive. That's what you always taught me. I used to think of you as a master. Someone I could always look up to. Now look at you. A vampire with a soul and a human that he's fallen in love with, like many of my other customers, you're pathetic."

Spike shook his head. "No, you are. You're just a vampire with no brain. I can see into everyone because of the gift Buffy gave me. And I am not going to let you just take that away from me. You may be cool in the world of vampires and demons but in our world, you're an idiot."

Casey tilted his head. "Really? Explain how."

Spike smirked, "You'll find out. Meet me at the graveyard tomorrow night. I'll show you exactly what I mean."

"That's supposed to scare me?"

Spike shrugged, "Beats me, but there's no way a git like you'll ever get away with hurting my girl." And with that he disappeared in the darkness leaving Casey to watch the spectacle in complete stupidity.


End file.
